Stray Bolts

Storms rock. There's the sunshine afterward to look forward to.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

I Got A Laugh Out of This One

NEW ELEMENT IN THE PERIODIC TABLE
Element : WOMEN (pronounced wih-mern)

Symbol : WO

Atomic mass : Accepted as 53.6 Kg; isotopes may vary from 40-200 kg.
Atomic radius: Variable, differing at three major locations on the atom.
Electronic configuration: Cannot be confirmed, as energy levels fluctuate too dramatically to ascertain original energy levels of electrons. The lowest energy state is achieved approximately once a month (at which point some mass is lost) and highest energy state is achieved at completely random times.
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas.

*PHYSICAL PROPERTIES*
1. Boils at room temperature.
2. Freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter, if incorrectly used.
5. Sweet as Honey if given proper treatment.

*CHEMICAL PROPERTIES*
1. Have great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones and absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
2. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
3. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by that.
4. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

*COMMON USES*
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be great aid to relaxation.
3. May act as a catalyst to speed up or drag on arguments.
4. May react with MEN to produce the compound HAPPINESS. Amounts of HAPPINESS produced depends on compatibility of the isotopes of MEN and WOMEN reacting.

*DISTINGUISHING TESTS*
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy.
2. Turns green when placed behind a better specimen.
3. Turns black or bright red when exposed to irritating environments.

*POTENTIAL HAZARD*
Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come in direct contact with each other.

*!! WARNING !!*
NOT RADIOACTIVE, BUT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE FINANCIAL HEMORRHAGING AND MENTAL DISTRESS. APPROACH WITH EXTREME CAUTION.

*NOTE*
Above properties are shown by all existing isotopes worldwide.