Stray Bolts

Storms rock. There's the sunshine afterward to look forward to.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

The Legendary Adventures of Matthew Yee and the Weird Sculptures

So me and my friends were planning to go to Sentosa today, right? But the weather didn't look all that good. So, not wanting to waste our trip, we dropped by at Vivo City to take a look around. We browsed through quite a lot of shops, and laughed a lot at each other doing completely random things, but the highlight of it all had to be my efforts to copy the poses of the weird sculptures scattered around Vivo City (ego, ego...) We are responsible for the creation of a new series: The Legendary Adventures of Matthew Yee and the Weird Sculptures. Here's the episode guide.

Overview: In the mystical and far-off land known as Seen Gar Poor, a wanderer called Matthew Yee wanders aimlessly among the plains of Veev O' See Ti, in search of a way back home, back to his domicile in Dan Mern Haiskool 'Awstel. Blocking his way back, however, are fifteen Weird Sculptures of Doom! Will Matthew be able to vanquish them all and make his way back? Stay tuned to find out!

Episode #1 - The Deafening
Matthew stumbles across the first of the Weird Sculptures, one who blasts his ears with endless loop of that emo song his roomie keeps on playing (with a play count of 92 as of an hour ago), Kesempatan Kedua by Tangga! Will Matthew be able to keep his eardrums intact as he makes his way through the wall of emo sound? Or will he be forced to listen and cry emo-ly for the rest of his life?

Episode #2 - Nirvana
Matthew is forced to meditate in an incredibly awkward position by one of the Weird Sculptures! Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, but for every minute he spends there meditating, the more likely he is to go emo! Will Matthew, long-time advocate of happy living, be able to reject the influence of the Weird Sculpture and keep the smile on his face?

Episode #3 - Squat
Matthew runs into a Weird Sculpture who makes him squat in a strange position that is not humanly possible! Matthew is given only one minute to figure out how to place his arms in such a position as shown by Figure 3.0 on page 1, or be doomed to eternal leg cramps forever... Can Matthew figure out a way to fool the Weird Sculpture into letting him go without the strange arm positioning? Or will his walking be eternally impaired by the penalty of spasmodic contractions of his leg muscles?

Episode #4 - Woof Woof
Matthew is turned into man's best friend by a Weird Sculpture! Being purged of all memories of his human-hood as well as losing everything in his mind except for basal canine instincts, he is cursed to roaming the land of the Weird Sculptures as a canine. Will his roomie, who is holding the darn camera, be able to recognise his roommate, and give him the necessary punch to knock some human sense into him? Or will he just give Matthew a bone?

Episode #5 - Let's Do Warmups
Matthew comes across a vengeful Weird Sculpture who used to be an aerobics instructor while he was still human. However, in that time, none of his customers appreciated his service. Feeling unwanted, unloved, cast away, in tears of anger and vengeance, he takes out his frustrations on poor Matthew, who is coerced into doing unnatural and unreal aerobics! Will Matthew be able to convince the Weird Sculpture that he does not deserve to be put through such torture (it's hard enough for him to get Bronze for NAPFA)? Better yet, will Matthew be able to take away the Weird Sculpture's boiling rage at his customers?

Episode #6 - Will You Be My Friend?
A sad young Weird Sculpture with no friends tries his very best to befriend Matthew. Matthew, who believes that all people should not be without friends, does his very best too to be a good friend to the Weird Sculpture. But is he biting off more than he can chew when he agrees to a game of "Follow the Leader" with the super-flexible Weird Sculpture?

Episode #7 - L
Matthew makes it to the third level of Veev O' See Ti through his previous six victories. The end is nearer! But on the third level, things only promise to get harder. Greeting him on his entrance to the third level with an evil grin is a Weird Sculpture who asks him to pose like the supergenius from Death Note, L. Fortunately, Matthew has an ace up his sleeve: his experience of acting as L during his GP Skit and other periods of time!

Episode #8 - Everybody was Kung-fu Fighting
A Weird Sculpture beckons Matthew to jump to the top of the tower he's perched on to pass through his domain. But the only skill which will enable that feat is Kung-fu, which Matthew has absolutely no experience in! Is Matthew able to smartly utilise his experience in the Drama Club crew to make a pulley based on his boss Tze Wei's design that is unnoticable enough to give the illusion of a heroic Kung-fu powered leap? (Btw, TJ Drama owns!!!)

Episode #9 - Moment's Reprieve
A kindly Weird Sculpture, who couldn't be bothered with blocking Matthew's path, allows him to do what he does best, slack, in his grotto for a while to rest up for the challenges ahead. Matthew eagerly takes him up on his offer, but is this chance to relax for real, or does the Weird Sculpture have a hidden agenda? (C'mon, let me sleep. Pleeeeeeese?)

Episode #10 - The Waters Await
After a treacherous hike through the second and third level of Veev O' See Ti, Matthew approaches the banks of the final stretch of his journey, the Weird River. Guarding the way, though, is a dynamic duo of Weird Sculptures who demand that he perform their challenges back-to-back! The first Weird Sculpture asks that he demonstrate his leg strength by sitting as in the picture above, for 2 hours! Coincidentally, Matthew has trained in this exercise before, but only has a best time of 5 minutes. Can Matthew muster the will and leg power to sit like so for 2 whole bloody $*(&% hours???

Episode #11 - Good Morning, Sir!
Fresh out of his tiresome feat of the previous episode, Matthew is ordered by the next member of the dynamic duo of the Weird Sculptures to respectfully salute to the next 500 patrons of Veev O' See Ti that pass by. However, this act is beset by a multitude of problems. Firstly, Matthew's legs, tired out from the previous episode, might fail him, sending him plunging to the shallow waters below (he didn't bring a change of clothes!). Secondly, at this hour, Veev O' See Ti has only, at most, 200 shoppers. Worst of all, Matthew is completely incapable of being respectful to anybody, able only to go as far as to be polite to complete strangers. Can Matthew withstand the pressure on his legs, urge more shoppers to arrive, and be distantly respectful instead of his natural open loud-laughing self, all at the same time?

Episode #12 - Matthew Armstrong
Having had his legs abused to the point of numbness, Matthew is requested by another Weird Sculpture to show off the prowess of his arm muscles! However, Matthew has no more arm power in his left arm, thanks to the endless saluting of the previous episode. What's more, it's not as if he could lift even a piece of paper to save his life. He's only 50 kg, people!!! Can Matthew's will to return home grant him the strength he needs to impress the mighty Weird Sculpture?

Episode #13 - The Perverted Weird Sculpture
The title of the episode says it all. The next Weird Sculpture, a perverted old sculpture, is determined to drag Matthew down the path of lust and darkness. Can Matthew's solid Christian values, fortified by his upbringing by virtuous parents, be enough to combat the great temptations of adolescence? Or will he be doomed to eternal damnnation with no hope of forgiveness?

Episode #14 - The Easy Way Out
Matthew has braved the Weird River, and is now homebound. But two Weird Sculptures still block his way! Hellbound on preventing him from reaching home and blogging about his adventures, the penultimate Weird Sculpture asks for the emulation of his own acrobatic feat! Matthew, who has never shown any gymnastics aptitude in his whole life, must now make a decision: to take the easy way out by taking a photo of himself doing the feat on the ground, and then Photoshop-ing himself upside down, or take the challenge head on and perform this elementary acrobatic feat. Be warned, the Weird Sculptures do not tolerate cheating...

Episode #15 - The Light at the End of the Tunnel
The end is in sight! Very soon, Matthew will reach the glass door that will lead him to the escalator that will lead him to the bus stop that will lead him to the bus that will lead him and his roomie home (phew...that was a lot of 'that will lead him's)! But he must face his greatest challenge yet, the Aura of Slacking radiating from this lazy Weird Sculpture! Is Matthew's passion, purpose and drive to get back home strong enough to make him resist the urge to slack, or will he just lie here, so close to home, and yet so far? C'mon, roomie, remind him of his urgent need to complete his quest! You're a TJC-ian too! For College, for Nation!

And so ends the Legendary Adventures of Matthew Yee and the Weird Sculptures! I gotta say, that was a tough ride... and my camera almost conked out on me, too... Thanks, roomie, for your own camera, and the integrity and care for others to see me through till the end, even though you were just a spectator in this whole mess...