Storms rock. There's the sunshine afterward to look forward to.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
"I Am Thankful" - TJC Scholar Version
I am thankful:
For the hostel cooks
Who make the same food every three days,
Because it means
I have something to eat.
For the Teacher-Mentors
In school and the hostel
Who bug me nonstop,
Because it means
People are watching out for me.
For the scholars
Who are complaining about the hostel rules
Because it means
I'm not alone in a foreign country.
For the nonsense I have to fork out cash for
Because it means
I have an allowance.
For the mess to clean
After a party
Because it means
I have been surrounded by friends.
For the books that are never with me
Because my friends borrow them
Because it means
We are all literate.
For all the complaining
I hear about the Ministry of Education Policy
Because it means
Our scholarship exists.
For the itchy and ugly uniform I wear
Because it means
I have an education.
For the alarm that goes off
In the early morning hours
Because it means
I have a school to go to.
For my shadow that watches me
Walk around the city
Because it means
I am out in the sunshine.
For a floor that needs sweeping,
Windows that need cleaning,
And a roommate that forgets his keys
Because it means
I have somewhere to stay
while I'm under this scholarship.
For the pile of laundry and ironing
Because it means
I have clothes to wear.
For the bus stop
That is a quite a distance from the hostel
And all the problems with my EZ-Link card
Because it means
I am capable of walking
And I have been blessed with transportation.
For the classmate
Who sings the college anthem off key
Because it means
I can hear.
For all the XML Parsing Errors on the Matrix
Because it means
Someone capable of programming is running the college's IT stuff.
For weariness and aching muscles
At the end of the day
Because it means
I have been capable of thinking hard.
For the annoying remedial lessons
That stretch late into the evening
Because it means
The teachers are doing their job well.
For the progress report,
That has less-than-desirable results printed on it,
Because it means
The teachers are trying to motivate us
To make those results better.
For the horribly done assignment
With 'See Me' on it
Because it means
Our teachers think
I have potential.
For the exhausted mind
When the school bell rings
Or my study time finishes
Because it means
I can think.
For the raging fever
That has allowed me to blog this
Because it means
I am still alive.
For the people who intentionally typed this blog URL
Into their Internet search window
Because it means
I have friends
Who want to read what I write.
And finally, for all the times
My sms tone interrupted my blogging
Because it means
I have friends who care for me.
Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
E-learning
I tried. I really did. But it seems that the Internet has something against me. At least as far as the Matrix is concerned.
Non-TJC students wondering what I mean when I say the Matrix? Nothing special, really. It's just our online learning portal. But I digress.
CCAs were supposed to be cancelled during this week so we could pursue the E-learning in relative leisure. But not for Drama. With incredible timing, the SYF Drama Showcase just HAD to be yesterday, and so on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, we hardly had the time to do E-learning. I tried my hardest, and only finished the week's Bio. But the other subjects?
I'm working on it.
But somehow, I don't think I can finish. Not before my brain burns out. And not only that, for some reason, M1 Broadband is somewhat incompatible with the Matrix. After, say, 20 minutes of Matrix-ing, the site encounters some 'XML Parsing Error' and the site refuses to do anything. So I need to get Net from some external source. But in that transition, I waste a lot of time.
It's a pity. Unlike quite a lot of the JC1s I know, I actually liked the concept of E-learning, and during the times I could actually go on the Matrix with no problems, I actually enjoyed myself learning. Problem is, my life circumstances seem hellbent on stopping me from E-learning.
Oh well, nothing to do but do as much as I can and explain to the teachers later. I just pray they understand.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Positivity
"You inject drama into every project. You celebrate every achievement. You find ways to make everything more exciting and more vital. Some cynics may reject your energy, but you are rarely dragged down. Your Positivity won’t allow it. Somehow you can’t quite escape your conviction that it is good to be alive, that work can be fun, and that no matter what the setbacks, one must never lose one’s sense of humor."
These words are an excerpt from my personality report that all the students were strongly encouraged (forced) to do. And this Positivity just happens to be recorded as my strongest and most prominent trait. But if you really want an example of "You inject drama into every project ... You find ways to make everything more exciting and more vital."? Take a look at Racial Harmony Day on Wednesday.
A proud Dayak. You know, I exited the hostel like this. You will not BELIEVE how many people stared. None. Honest. They looked and saw me, and then averted their eyes. How remarkable. Same thing happened in the bus. Same thing happened at school, although the people who were expecting it burst into laughter. Then again, that was my intention. Call me an attention seeker. I prefer the term Positivity.
"Some cynics may reject your energy, but you are rarely dragged down. Your Positivity won’t allow it.", says another part of my report. Someone once commented that I seemed to have a limitless supply of energy. Does that mean I try to be lively all the time? That rather sounds like part of my life philosophy, but still, limitless? Someone else just told me last night that I'm still human, and that clearly, no human can have an endless supply of energy. But I seem to. Or rather, whenever I'm out in the open, it manifests without fail. Where does this strength come from?
"The joy of the Lord is my strength", indeed. I am holding on to the Word that God spoke to me almost a year ago, through one of my more-in-tune-with-God church friends. "Next year will be a new year", He said. "The past will not hold you back, not anymore. It's a new start, a clean slate, where all your mistakes are washed away, to begin anew." My past was something I could not be proud of. But after hearing this promise, I took a hold of it, and held on so tightly, all the while thanking Him who gave me new hope. He hadn't finished speaking, though.
"I ask this of you," He spoke further through my friend, "That with this clean slate, you will learn to put Me first, and as you do this, I will empower you with My love, My joy and My peace, that through you, your whole community might be blessed."
Bringing God's love to my community. That has become my new motto in life, to bless everyone I see, everyone I know, to lift their spirits whenever possible, to be a lively companion wherever needed and to smile. All the time.
Because God loved me, and still does, despite all my faults, my failings, my problems. He still loves and accepts me. Jesus accepted the punishment I should have received. Who can come face to face with this incredible unfathomable love, and not want to spread it around? I want to spread His love as much as a human vessel can, in the unique manner my God-given personality commands.
Positivity.
But who is my community? Obviously, everyone I know. But what about those I don't know? Get to know them. What a wonderful cycle. God has affected my personality so much that His joy is infused into my personality. I am Adaptable, Positive, a Developer, Likeable and an Includer, according to my report. Thank God for that. And as I go about trying to bring His love to my community, here's how I'm going to do it.
Stretch the circle wider. WITH ENERGY!!!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Hail Indonesia!
Thank God for Indonesians. Really. I have absolutely no idea what my condition would be like now without the Indo-scholars as my friends.
By my narrow perception of Malay and Bahasa Indo, to me, Bahasa Indo has always been spoken faster, or at least, takes longer for me to translate. And I have been translating Bahasa Indo for like 4 years and 7 months. And every time I translate so I understand, I develop my speed hearing. And when I need to translate Malay, I hear it so slowly and I have time to translate.
During the oral exam a few weeks ago and the listening comprehension exam today, where translating spoken Malay was mandatory, my developed translating speed picked up every word they said.
God bless Indonesia for providing me with wonderful friends who have unknowingly helped me in my Malay. Like I said in the previous post, who can do without friends?
Every challenge that comes our way,
It's possible to do it, finish it, alone.
But for every friend
Who lends you a hand
Halved is the difficulty till it becomes none.
~ A Limerick I created, that many have expressed in different words, in different forms, but containing a truth that remains true till this day, and will do so for eternity. ~
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Musings About Friendship
Life has been a huge roller-coaster ride since I started JC life. And I gathered a wonderful group of friends, whether it be among my classmates and ex-classmates, the scholars, the Drama Club or my church friends. I’ve done a lot of thinking on friendship over the past few months, and I’ve collected my thoughts and posted it here in one go.
What are Friends, really?
Those who are incessantly nice to you?
Those who know very well how to hurt you?
Or both?
Are friends those who let debts slide if it’s really needed?
Those who bang down your door demanding repayment?
Or both?
Those who pretend to like your music?
Those who yell at you to turn it off?
Or both?
Those who take time off to help you study?
Those who expect you to help them understand?
Or both?
Those who shower you with flattery?
Those who drown you in insults?
Or both?
Those who laugh with you?
Those who laugh at you?
Or both?
Those who cry with you?
Those who make you cry?
Or both?
Those who treat your stuff like gold?
Those who thrash your stuff within the hour?
Or both?
Those who smile and agree with all your statements?
Those who frown and argue with all your statements?
Or both?
Those who know you so well they know when to leave you alone?
Those who know you so well they disturb you when you really don’t want it?
Or both?
Those who never whack you no matter how badly you annoy them?
Those who take every opportunity to whack you?
Or both?
The thing is, it takes a very close friend to do all the bad things to you and still expect you to remain their friend. Likewise, it takes a very close friend to take all the bad things you do to them and still unquestioningly remain your friend.
“The best of friends are characterised by their incredible ability to keep on arguing with each other, even more so than the worst of enemies.” ~ Brother Michael Broughton
Despite this, however, close friends always respect, support and love each other, and will show it however, wherever and whenever it is required or they want to.
Friendship. Paradox of the ages.
What a Friend is like
A friend comforts you before you even realise you’re sad.
A friend buys you food before you realise your wallet’s empty.
A friend stays up worrying about you before you realise you’re too troubled to sleep.
A friend asks you what’s wrong before you even realise you’re troubled.
A friend brings you to life before you realise you’re dying.
A friend is the lifeline thrown to the drowning.
A friend is the beam that supports the frail individual structure.
A friend is the best lawyer ever: totally willing to defend you for free.
A friend is the refill for the empty fountain pen of life.
A friend is the anti-virus for the corrupted hard disk of life.
A friend is the crutch for the crippled.
A friend is the fail-proof medication for any sort of trouble whatsoever.
A friend sacrifices time for you, even if you can’t fit a five-minute nap into his schedule.
A friend sacrifices money for you, even if she has nary a penny to her name.
A friend sacrifices reputation for you, even if no one knew his name to begin with.
A friend sacrifices food for you, even if her stomach growls in protest.
A friend sacrifices drink for you, even if his mouth is parched.
A friend sacrifices energy for you, even if she is near collapsing.
Friends sacrifice their lives for you, even if you never realise or asked for it.
A friend makes you feel like the saints of old have reincarnated.
A friend makes you feel that you’ll never ever be the only one on the road of life.
A friend makes you feel that you would probably never have been able to get to where you are now if not for him or her.
A friend makes you not want to be sad ever again because you don’t want them to cry on your behalf.
A friend makes you feel infinitely guilty because no matter how much you want to repay their good thoughts, words and actions, all they do is smile, politely refuse and say, “You’d do the same for me.” But then again, what if our chance never comes and we cannot do the same for them? Hence the guilt.
I’ve clearly been playing too much RPGs
Friendship is like fire – it warms the heart and soul, no matter how cold life is.
Friendship is like ice – it cools down the most destructive things.
Friendship is like lightning – it flows readily through all conductors, and forces itself through insulators.
Friendship is like water – it cannot break, no matter how hard you hit it.
Friendship is like earth – it stands firm through the greatest storm, unmovable.
Friendship is like wind – you can’t see it, but you can feel it.
Friendship is like darkness – secrets remain hidden in there.
Friendship is like light – it illuminates every nook and cranny of life.
Stole this poem from somewhere, I really like it though…
Friendship is a wonderful thing.
It’s every joy that life can bring.
A bit of hope, a heart so true,
So much another shares with you;
It’s courage when life brings a frown,
To lend a hand when you are down.
It’s loyalty and peace serene,
Remembering to share your dream,
A comforter when things go wrong,
A guiding light amidst the throng,
A faith, hope, a bright new day.
Friendship is a chosen way.
And I really hope I can live this out. I’ve been so blessed with a lot of wonderful friends, I just pray that I can bless them all back as much as they blessed me or even more.
What are Friends, really?
Those who are incessantly nice to you?
Those who know very well how to hurt you?
Or both?
Are friends those who let debts slide if it’s really needed?
Those who bang down your door demanding repayment?
Or both?
Those who pretend to like your music?
Those who yell at you to turn it off?
Or both?
Those who take time off to help you study?
Those who expect you to help them understand?
Or both?
Those who shower you with flattery?
Those who drown you in insults?
Or both?
Those who laugh with you?
Those who laugh at you?
Or both?
Those who cry with you?
Those who make you cry?
Or both?
Those who treat your stuff like gold?
Those who thrash your stuff within the hour?
Or both?
Those who smile and agree with all your statements?
Those who frown and argue with all your statements?
Or both?
Those who know you so well they know when to leave you alone?
Those who know you so well they disturb you when you really don’t want it?
Or both?
Those who never whack you no matter how badly you annoy them?
Those who take every opportunity to whack you?
Or both?
The thing is, it takes a very close friend to do all the bad things to you and still expect you to remain their friend. Likewise, it takes a very close friend to take all the bad things you do to them and still unquestioningly remain your friend.
“The best of friends are characterised by their incredible ability to keep on arguing with each other, even more so than the worst of enemies.” ~ Brother Michael Broughton
Despite this, however, close friends always respect, support and love each other, and will show it however, wherever and whenever it is required or they want to.
Friendship. Paradox of the ages.
What a Friend is like
A friend comforts you before you even realise you’re sad.
A friend buys you food before you realise your wallet’s empty.
A friend stays up worrying about you before you realise you’re too troubled to sleep.
A friend asks you what’s wrong before you even realise you’re troubled.
A friend brings you to life before you realise you’re dying.
A friend is the lifeline thrown to the drowning.
A friend is the beam that supports the frail individual structure.
A friend is the best lawyer ever: totally willing to defend you for free.
A friend is the refill for the empty fountain pen of life.
A friend is the anti-virus for the corrupted hard disk of life.
A friend is the crutch for the crippled.
A friend is the fail-proof medication for any sort of trouble whatsoever.
A friend sacrifices time for you, even if you can’t fit a five-minute nap into his schedule.
A friend sacrifices money for you, even if she has nary a penny to her name.
A friend sacrifices reputation for you, even if no one knew his name to begin with.
A friend sacrifices food for you, even if her stomach growls in protest.
A friend sacrifices drink for you, even if his mouth is parched.
A friend sacrifices energy for you, even if she is near collapsing.
Friends sacrifice their lives for you, even if you never realise or asked for it.
A friend makes you feel like the saints of old have reincarnated.
A friend makes you feel that you’ll never ever be the only one on the road of life.
A friend makes you feel that you would probably never have been able to get to where you are now if not for him or her.
A friend makes you not want to be sad ever again because you don’t want them to cry on your behalf.
A friend makes you feel infinitely guilty because no matter how much you want to repay their good thoughts, words and actions, all they do is smile, politely refuse and say, “You’d do the same for me.” But then again, what if our chance never comes and we cannot do the same for them? Hence the guilt.
I’ve clearly been playing too much RPGs
Friendship is like fire – it warms the heart and soul, no matter how cold life is.
Friendship is like ice – it cools down the most destructive things.
Friendship is like lightning – it flows readily through all conductors, and forces itself through insulators.
Friendship is like water – it cannot break, no matter how hard you hit it.
Friendship is like earth – it stands firm through the greatest storm, unmovable.
Friendship is like wind – you can’t see it, but you can feel it.
Friendship is like darkness – secrets remain hidden in there.
Friendship is like light – it illuminates every nook and cranny of life.
Stole this poem from somewhere, I really like it though…
Friendship is a wonderful thing.
It’s every joy that life can bring.
A bit of hope, a heart so true,
So much another shares with you;
It’s courage when life brings a frown,
To lend a hand when you are down.
It’s loyalty and peace serene,
Remembering to share your dream,
A comforter when things go wrong,
A guiding light amidst the throng,
A faith, hope, a bright new day.
Friendship is a chosen way.
And I really hope I can live this out. I’ve been so blessed with a lot of wonderful friends, I just pray that I can bless them all back as much as they blessed me or even more.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Personality Tests Are Strange
You know those personality tests you find on the Internet which are created either for fun or following some "official guidelines by the work of Sigmund Freud" or some other well-known psychologist? No matter the source of the test, some tests end up incredibly biased. Others are surprisingly really accurate. But as I will show soon, all can be taken not-seriously. Heh heh. Enjoy my nonsense.
| Greed: | Very Low | |
| Gluttony: | Low | |
| Wrath: | Very Low | |
| Sloth: | Medium | |
| Envy: | Very Low | |
| Lust: | Very Low | |
| Pride: | Low |
Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz
You know, the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz was particularly interesting. While I'm thankful to God that my results look low, as everyone knows, the aim is to get all seven down to ZERO! Also, you know, I'm not as holy as all that. Take a look:
Greed: Very Low??? You'd be surprised. Could it be that I've just found a way to get things for free and so it doesn't look like I'm amassing a hoard of expensive nonsense? Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about shoplifting or anything. It's just, maybe you need to take a look in my room sometime. But then again, maybe not. Wouldn't want your eyes to burn out with visual overload. The minesweeper room. Hoo boy.
Gluttony: Very Low??? Biggest lie I ever heard. Maybe my dad doesn't believe it. Maybe I don't really show it, eating only slightly above average portions, sometimes average. But has anyone ever seen my snack uptake? I kid you not, I could fill up a rubbish dump all by myself. Blame my metabolism. Hmph.
Wrath: Very Low??? Well, it might be true that people don't really inflame me unless the crime committed against me is very serious, but obviously, the test makers never considered asking for a sample of what happens when things don't go my way when I'm playing my favourite game. Maybe my roomie can shed some light on the subject. Four and five letter words are best not repeated by the one who said them. Or best not repeated at all.
Sloth: Medium??? This would be an obviously inaccurate reading that everyone, not just me, would dispute. I mean, I didn't found the SJI Slacker's Union for nothing, you know. I'm a very good slacker. And the dispute goes the other way. You'd be amazed at how dedicated I am to the absolutely wrong things like gaming or reading during homework time and etcetera.
Envy: Very Low??? One of the definitions of envy is to desire something that you do not have but others do. The Singaporean spirit of kiasu-ism, so to speak. Again, maybe it only looks like I don't want what other people have because I have my own screwed up version of what is cool. I guess one of my strengths is being totally independent of trends. Seriously, me and my friends' "Real Men Wear Pink" might make a lot of people roll their eyes. No, wait, scrap the word 'might'.
Lust: Very Low??? C'mon, how about a ZERO for a change??? I'm not that bad, am I?
Pride: Low??? As I've mentioned in a previous post, I am an incredibly arrogant person. It's a fatal flaw, and although I'm taking steps against it, it doesn't change the fact that it should be somewhat higher. At least for the moment. But when this isn't a problem anymore, I'll be that much of a better person.
Advanced Global Personality Test Results
|
personality test by similarminds.com
Now for this test. Find out your personality? Bullshit. Although the results, I might say, are in fact an accurate, albeit crudely so, reflection of myself, it is obvious that the true purpose of this test is to blind people with too many statistics and cheem psychological syndromes. I mean, "Peter Pan complex"? Even a freak like me needed Wikipedia to understand this one.
A warning to all who see this test and suddenly make the decision to do it yourself: Beware! The test comprises a humongous load of questions that will take up a lot of your time. But if you have time to spare and you want to do it, I'm not stopping you. Heck, no matter if you don't have time to spare, I won't stop you either. Just don't blame 'that lightning guy's blog' when you get into trouble for interpreting 'spare time' as 'time that should've been used for homework but I just didn't want to do it'. You might just get labelled as more slacky than me. And let me tell you, that's bad.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Reprimand
Enough self-pity. The damage is done. And sitting still won't propel me up the wall I've been trying so earnestly to climb for four and a bloody half years.
How shameful that the advocate of happy living should need to be encouraged, to be lifted up from dark depths. But even the happiest person can't get through life without crying. But it seems God does send angels after all. And some of them are humans. My deepest gratitude.
If people think I can climb the wall, surely it would be a shame and letting them down if I didn't try my hardest. I may take a long time to get over the wall, but when I do, I will be the one who will directly benefit. Shouldn't that suffice as motivation?
Stand up, Matthew. It's time to attempt the wall again. 8 weeks of climbing. Bleeding fingers, aching muscles, exhaustion in mind and body are no strangers to me, rather, proof of my efforts.
Breathe in, Matthew. Smile. That's your greatest ability. Don't lose it. Overuse it. Make use of its infinite times of usage.
Remember, Matthew. The joy of the Lord is your strength. And the support of friends who might as well be angels can't hurt either. Don't let Him down, don't let them down, but also, don't EVER let yourself down. Ever.
I guess I always knew all this, but I think all I needed was someone to hammer it into me, as proof that there are others who have the same worldview as I do. At least in this aspect. Again, my deepest gratitude.
