Stray Bolts

Storms rock. There's the sunshine afterward to look forward to.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

What Could Have Been

I was ready to post an emo post here. I'm serious. I even had it all typed out on notepad, ready to copy and paste into Blogger as soon as I got on the Internet. It was all about how I'm not sure I can do well for promos and how I'm not totally sure I left my dark past and yada yada yada...

But just after I typed it out, before I could get on the Net, I felt a great urge to pray, and pour out my troubles to the one other Person who totally understands me, that is, God. And I did. For a good 45 minutes. And as I talked and talked and talked, I felt Him there. He was listening, and listening, and listening, patiently and lovingly as only the Heavenly Father can.

To end my session, I asked that as I went through the 42 days left before promos, I asked that as I studied and worked, that He give me His peace that I would not be stressed, His wisdom so I would understand everything I was learning, His joy that I might be able to smile through my troubles, and His assurance that He would always be beside me through it all. And just like always, I got what I asked for, exceedingly abundantly provided to me.

And as I prepared to go back to my room, He asked me to refer to His Book. And as He asked, I followed, and I found a nugget of gold.

"For the hearts of these people are hardened,
and their ears cannot hear,
and they have closed their eyes—
so their eyes cannot see,
and their ears cannot hear,
and their hearts cannot understand,
and they cannot turn to Me
and let Me heal them." - Matthew 13:15, The Holy Bible

This was a flaw of humanity identified by Jesus one day, that humans just refused to turn to the one Person who would always be able to help them, whenever they needed help. But in the criticism lies a promise, that the reverse is true: That if only we can soften our hearts, learn to listen, and open our eyes, we can turn to Him, and He, without any doubt whatsoever, WILL heal and support us.

And after I read this, I closed His Book, and added something on to the prayer, that I would learn to automatically lean on Him, whatever the situation. God's help is the first thing I should ask for. And then I find out how He plans to help me help myself. Not the other way around.